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I Make a Terrible Tooth Fairy

Updated: Sep 22, 2023

September 6, 2023 By Heather Michelle Williams

Getting home late from Wednesday night church, I told the children that there is one goal. And that is to get to bed. All the things that that entails are included IF on the way to the goal. They were allowed to get a snack because it has been a long time since supper. But still—the statement stands. Do the things and get to bed—no standing around getting all chatty and starting games.

In the midst of that explanation, my fourth son pulled the tooth out that has been wiggly for weeks. I cheered for him. He asked for a Ziplock bag, as is our custom for losing teeth. He asked me how much money he is going to get. Do other people’s kids ask Mom how much they are getting for a tooth?

My kids already know that the tooth fairy is just Mommy. As entitled as I just made him sound, the mood is light and fun. I went to my wallet and grabbed a one-dollar bill and some change. I think I remember giving the others about that amount for their teeth. On the way to my wallet comes a trail of chatty brothers inquisitive about whether or not there is injustice going on according to how much they had received in the past for their teeth. One son (whom I have told him jokingly that I will not mention his name in this story) dared to recall his most profitable tooth had earned $1.50 from me. They were all on edge to find out the amount. I did not count it! I just grabbed whatever change that I grabbed—and the $1. I danced proudly around and through them that I DO NOT remember what I had given them and I DO NOT have to! I will give what I want to give, and that’s that!

After moving through a crowded bedroom doorway, I slipped off to my son’s bedroom who had pulled the tooth! Without missing a beat, my hand lifted his pillow, put it right back down with the money under it, and I went on back through the hallway that they now were almost trapping me in as they followed too closely behind.

I laughed, saying, “I am a bad tooth fairy!” The one whom I am not mentioning his name agreed! The others asked why.

I answered, “One time I took two weeks to remember, and this time I did it right in front of y’all!”

Seriously, the last time he lost a tooth, he religiously kept that tooth under his pillow and would remind me that I hadn’t given him money for it yet! I TRIED to wait until a sneakier time—like when he was ASLEEP! But every time, I somehow got sidetracked at bedtime, and it totally did not cross my mind again until the next time he gently reminded me! Terrible tooth fairy!

I continued, “They would totally fire me as a tooth fairy. I must have skipped a lot in tooth fairy school. I didn’t even go to class!” The “one” kept agreeing with me!

At this time, the money I slipped under the pillow is already being counted. “A dollar and fifty-seven cents!” He said, “I have two more cents than you.”

He had to go and get it right away… And he had to announce that he had gotten more…

My rebuttal came to mind, which I offered them as an answer to my own insults: “How would tooth fairy children learn how to be tooth fairies? They watch their mom!” So, there! At that, I walked off and left them with that thought. It doesn’t matter that I put the money under the pillow in plain sight while they followed me around. And it doesn’t matter if they all watched as he immediately got it out and counted it. Because they know that I am the tooth fairy! And how else will they learn to be tooth fairies?!

They followed me again back to the living room. I said, “Now go to bed so I can write stories about you!” Again, this smarty pants tells me not to write stories about him. So, I pointed and assured him that I would not mention his name—THIS TIME.

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