By Heather Michelle Williams on October 19, 2023
Here goes my writer mind going off again, alerting me with all of the thoughts and words. I figure I better write while it’s blinking and warm.
I want to peer into the ups and downs of motherhood for a minute. It can be quite a rollercoaster! There’s lots of good, there’s definitely some overwhelming, and there’s some hard that you just got to know that it is passing—you don’t have to stay in those moments. Just get through them so that you can get back to the enjoyment of the good ones.
At times, I can’t stop thinking about the past, or I have just come across an old friend and had to explain some things that made me remember and cry. There are times that I am so tired, like I feel too tired to even carry myself to bed. And there are times that I feel so stressed from the overstimulation of living with so many human beings under my care—so many sounds, so much movement, and the constant “Mommy! Mommy? MOMMYYYY! Mommy….” (I was thinking about changing my name.)
Those moments flee in the midst of the elation caused by everyone’s laughter filling the house when, for example, Mr. Clown himself—third son, is cracking us all up, and we can barely catch our breath by the time he is cracking another joke! Imagine homeschooling in this environment!
The kids often have me howling with laughter and just about falling out of my chair! Each comment builds on the last and we keep each other going! I wish I could explain, but I think you just had to be there!
A few mornings ago, my sixth-graders were itching to get done with school. All we had to do was check one more page all together. They kept saying, “Okay, let’s check,” in other words, stop being distracted. But our beloved class clown started with his silliness and sudden outbursts that throw us off! I was laughing so hard, I said, “You’re gonna make me pee in my pants!” Another son teased, “Yeah! Pee in your pants! Pee in your pants!”
My daughter sitting with me in the chair whined, “Nooo, Ezekiel, I’m sitting here….” She complained and questioned why he would want that, knowing that it would affect her, too! Of course, that made me laugh more! Then she said bluntly, “Mommy, go use the bathroom.”
Lord! What do I do but mark the memories?
I wonder sometimes how I got to be so blessed with getting to borrow these youngins for 18 years! It’s actually a feeling like euphoria—is the best I can describe it, when I just breathe in thankful and blow out thankful. I’ve never tried any street drugs, but I really and truly feel a “high” sometimes that must compare. And there’s no negative consequences to this “high!”
I walk around the block sometimes to have my moment of clearing my head with the fresh air. I hear the birds, notice the blue sky and green grass, and just breathe. The thankfulness I feel for all that God has brought me through is so great, I feel an urge to just lay right down in the middle of the road to tell Him. I haven’t done it yet, but I do feel like it! I think my neighbors would worry about me! There is always something to be thankful for, no matter what. And when you continue in that attitude, you can end up with your storehouses filled to capacity! I’m talking poetically; though, I do believe abundance comes in the natural realm eventually for those who live in faith, more importantly, I think our capacity to receive all of the realization of all that God does for us and all that He has for us can be topped off—almost more than we can take!
No negative feelings I ever had could outweigh what I am cherishing. I haven’t even reached eternal glory, though! I can barely begin to imagine.
I went to bed one night with a strange feeling. I told my God (who I talk to all the time), “I feel sad.” I didn’t really know what about, and it wasn’t common. I think maybe it was just weird being around certain company again that day. It was a fading feeling.
I do wonder, is it weird that I am doing so well after such a tragedy? Not that I care much about what people think of me, (I care for support, not opinions) but kind of curious if that makes me like cold-hearted or something. But I don’t think that cold-hearted people smile much, like I do.
I saw something on Facebook that made a point along the lines that I smile not because my life is perfect but because I choose to see what I am thankful for. Yes. That’s it for me. The thankfulness outweighs the other stuff. I feel really good about 98% of the time. The other 2%, I am mad at my kids for being messy or not listening or being so loud!
I know you other parents feel the ups and downs, too. I like to call it emotional whiplash! I think this meme explains it well.
I guess it’s okay for me to talk like this in my own blog. I believe it has kind of a sitcom feel to it. Plus, you know I have many boys who live with me so I am very used to fart and pee jokes. If you can’t beat them, join them, right?
We have lots of fun. Those are the moments I want to remember forever. At least if I can’t remember so many details, I know I will remember the bond that we have. That memory will never leave me.
Thanks for reading. I hope that you all are enjoying! I really do appreciate all of the interest and shares!
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